Shame and Shock Rock Ina Garten's Boat

Renowned Hamptons chef Ina Garten slunk off in shame yesterday after it was revealed the linens on the ship's tables on her bally-hooed cruise were, in actuality, polyester blend.

Garten had invited a veritable who's who of Hamptons life along on her cruise, including her many gay male friends, none of whom know how to cook without her help, as well as Mel Brooks and Saul Zabar, owner of, well, you know.

The table-top nightmare was just the last cheese straw in a series of faux pas that had Garten's Hamptons "friends" gasping.

First, the ship's kitchen crew could not follow her recipe for tarte tatin, and improperly caramelized the apples. Garten was able to fudge her way through it by serving scoops of vanilla-bean ice cream on top of the tarte, but several guests were heard to remark about the lack of dark brown, gooey sauce around the apple slices.

That's when the whispers started among the Hamptons crowd.

Garten had promised a demonstration for the 400 registered cruise attendees, and was able to make pans full of home-baked bleu cheese crackers as snacks, but when Garten tried to actually attend the cocktail party, her Hamptonite guests were shocked.

"We thought she was the kitchen help," said Elaine Kaufman, owner of, well, you know. She quickly chartered a helicopter for herself and Saul Zabar, leaving Mel Brooks holding the crackers.

Dozens Sickened on Guy Fieri “Celebrity Sunscreen Cruise”

Passengers on a recent celebrity cruise with Guy Fieri were stricken ill by an unexplained chemical reaction due to the stench of Guy’s peroxide drenched hair, natural body odor and sunscreen combined with the salt air.

One passenger told us “At first, when Guy walked in, the stench was so unbelievable that we thought maybe the poor gross thing had you know, crapped in his underpants. We quickly realized that wasn’t it. It was a combo of all the smells radiating off Guy and the salt air. We couldn’t take it, we all just started vomiting on the spot.”

Eventually, nearly five hundred people were helicoptered off the ship and taken to the hospital. All are expected to survive.

Australians prove Vegetarians are weaklings!

People who live on vegetarian diets have slightly weaker bones than their meat-eating counterparts, Australian researchers said Thursday.

A joint Australian-Vietnamese study of links between the bones and diet of more than 2,700 people found that vegetarians had bones five percent less dense than meat-eaters, said lead researcher Tuan Nguyen.

The issue was most pronounced in vegans, who excluded all animal products from their diet and whose bones were six percent weaker, Nguyen said.

There was "practically no difference" between the bones of meat-eaters and ovolactovegetarians, who excluded meat and seafood but ate eggs and dairy products, he said.

"The results suggest that vegetarian diets, particularly vegan diets, are associated with lower bone mineral density," Nguyen wrote in the study, which was published Thursday in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

"But the magnitude of the association is clinically insignificant," he added.

Nguyen, who is from Sydney's Garvan Institute for Medical Research and collaborated on the project with the Pham Ngoc Thach University of Medicine in Ho Chi Minh City, said the question of whether the lower density bones translated to increased fracture risk was yet to be answered.

"Given the rising number of vegetarians, roughly five percent (of people) in western countries, and the widespread incidence of osteoporosis, the issue is worth resolving," he said.

Canadians serve seal, with a side of controversy

MONTREAL - One evening last week, almost every seat was occupied at Au Cinquième Péché, a bistro in the bustling neighborhood called the Plateau. And almost every table was sampling an appetizer plate that included a specialty of the restaurant’s French-born chef, Benoît Lenglet: a seared, rare loin, dark red in color, with a texture and taste akin to beef tenderloin. But the meat was not beef. It was seal.

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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31676849/from/ET/

Laaaaammmberrtt!

Last night, I made a delicious meal for The Academy Awards. We had marinated lamb chops with a cauliflower puree and a green salad. For dessert, we had chocolate pudding covered in Cool Whip. Scrumptious!

Marinated Lamb Chops:

2 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
2 garlic cloves chopped
1 tablespoon fresh rosemary chopped
1/4 cup olive oil
S&P

Whisk all ingredients together and transfer to a large zip lock plastic bag. Add 4-6 lamb chops and seal bag making sure to release all excess air. Shake bag to thoroughly coat the lamb chops. refrigerate for 2 hours. Grill or broil lamb chops (4 minutes each side for medium).

Cauliflower puree:

1 whole cauliflower broken up into florets. put into sauce pan with 1/2 cup chicken or beef stock, 1 garlic clove smashed. Bring the stock to a boil and cover the pan for about 10 minutes, cooking until the cauliflower is soft to the touch of a fork. Pour the entire contents into a food processor and add 2 tablespoons of butter. Add cream or milk as the mixture purees to desired consistency. S&P to taste.

Southwestern food in the Southeast

Earlier this week I went to Hilton Head Island for a conference (yawn) and stayed at the Westin, which had shit food and bad service. But this isn't a bitch-about-the-Westin post, it's a rave on the rockin' good Southwestern food I had a Santa Fe, a happy accidental find.

I ventured out from the hotel on Wednesday night to find sustenance that didn't come in a fucking wrap sandwich, and while driving the 278 to the south end of the island, saw this place that looked busy and interesting. I got a seat at the chef's viewing bar, which was kind of fun.

The menu was a single page (good sign -- they're not trying to do a million and one dishes) and ordered Painted Desert Soup, which was described as a roasted corn soup with ancho chile cream. The description did not do it justice at all. It should have said "This soup will make you roll your eyes in ecstasy."

It came in a large, shallow bowl, and looked like a painting. Half the bowl had this ducky yellow corn soup, the other half had a warm orange soup, and across both was a petroglyph shaped streak of deep, rich auburn colored chipotle sauce, with a few spatters of sour cream scattered around.

The corn soup was sweet and yummy, the ancho cream was spicy and bright, and the chipotle smoky and deep. And when I mixed them a bit, the bowl looked like those spin-art pictures we used to make as kids, but tasted like heaven.

Then I got the popular combination plate, which had a goat-cheese chile relleno, a tamale and a wild-mushroom-and-cheese enchilada.

It came on a large plate divided into three sections by the placement of the three items. In what would have been the white space on the plate were three different sauces -- a chile verde, a smoky, tangy red sauce and a spicy red sauce. The relleno was crusted in corn meal and filled with a slightly sweet and spicy goat cheese. The enchilada was made with a corn crepe instead of a tortilla, and was filled with delicious creamy cheese, and the tamale was really just a sweetened masa roll with real corn inside -- no meat anywhere on the plate.

The only side dish to be seen was a small spoonful of corn-black-bean relish under the three items, and it was perfect. No need for rice and beans at all.

De-fucking-lish.

It's one of the best meals I've had since I've been in this part of the country. I wish there was a Santa Fe here in town, because that's where I'd take guests. Four hours is a little long to drive for dinner, but if I'm ever down in that area again (not far from Savannah), I'll definitely go back.

Veal, suckling pig, and a pig's head...what more could a boy ask for?

Thursday night I made the classic German/Austrian dish, Wiener Schnitzel for dinner. My butcher had some lovely veal cutlets that I just could not resist. It was delicious! The recipe is below. I served mine with roasted potatoes with thyme, salt and pepper and Asparagus.

Last night, we ate out at a new restaurant in our neighborhood called Bina Osteria. I started my meal with Coppa di Testa, a salami made from pig's head. For my entree, I ordered crispy suckling pig confit. It was very good, but Dan's gnocchi was better.
They have a shop next to the restaurant that offers "European goods, house-made breads and pastries, gelati, pastas, and prepared meals." http://www.binaboston.com/a-about.html.

Wiener Schnitzel:

Ingredients:

* 4 veal cutlets (traditional) pounded to 1/4 inch thickness (about 5 oz. each) (you may use chicken or pork, as well)
* 1/4 c. flour (all purpose or brown rice)
* 1/4 tsp. salt
* 1/2 c. bread crumbs
* 2 eggs
* Oil or lard for frying (lard is traditional)

Preparation:

* To pound meat thin you may want to place the cutlet between sheets of plastic wrap for easier washing up. Use a heavy, flat-surface pan to pound if you don’t have a meat mallet.
* Pound the meat evenly to 1/4 inch thickness for best results.
* Do not press the bread crumbs into the meat. The crust should not adhere completely, but form a loose shell around the schnitzel.
* Make sure the breaded meat “swims” in fat. Contrary to instinct, the breading will take on less oil than if the meat is sticking to the pan. Also, the breadcrumb topping has a chance to puff up a little, and your clean up is easier! Wiener Schnitzel in pan.

Set up 3 shallow dishes. Place the flour and 1/2 teaspoon salt in one and breadcrumbs in another. Beat eggs well and place in the third dish.

Heat at least 1/4 inch of oil in the pan to 350°F.

Working one at a time, dredge cutlets first in flour until the surface is completely dry. Dip in egg to coat, allow the excess to drip off for a few seconds and then roll quickly in the breadcrumbs until coated. Do not press breadcrumbs into the meat. Place meat immediately in the pan with the hot oil. Do not crowd the pan. Cook the schnitzel in batches, if necessary.

Fry the schnitzel for 3-4 minutes on one side. You may want to swish them around a little with your fork to make sure they are not sticking to the pan. Turn them over once and fry until both sides are golden brown. Remove from pan, allow the oil to drain off, place on a plate with lemon slices and potato salad or green salad and serve.