Bear Attacks Girl in Alaska

There was an alleged bear attack this week in Alaska and the details slowly emerging are hilarious. Apparantly, some girl was attacked and the bear had a firm grasp on the girls head before do gooders supposedly wrenched her free. The only problem is the girls scalp was torn off in the process of this "bear attack". Doctors probably won't be able to reattach the scalp but are trying anyways.



Bear Sausage
30 lbs. ground bear meat
6 tsp. red pepper
12 lbs. ground pork butt
15 tsp. garlic salt
3 lbs. slab bacon, ground
7 1/2 tsp. pepper

Mix all together. Fry in pan for breakfast sausage, good on pizza, and
makes great meatballs as well.

Alligator eats little boy's arm

Some little boy in The Ozarks or someplace like that was attacked by an alligator who promptly bit off the kids arm. That got me to thinking, "how would I cook alligator if giving the chance?"

Fried Alligator

Ingredients


Alligator meat
Corn meal
Outdoor Gourmet Cajun seasoning
Peanut oil


Preparation
Cut alligator into small pieces. Coat alligator pieces with oil and lightly season with salt and pepper. Mix the corn meal and the Outdoor Gourmet Cajun Seasoning in a Better Breader. Once the corn meal & seasoning is mixed, add the alligator pieces to the corn meal mixture; shake well.


Cooking Directions
Fill aluminum pot with enough peanut oil to completely cover the alligator once immersed into the pot and preheat to 400 degrees. Place the alligator pieces in the hot peanut oil to cook until golden brown. If you prefer your gator on the spicy side, add cayenne pepper to taste when seasoning the pieces with salt and pepper.

So close...Gordon Ramsey almost eats it.

The always sunny Gordon Ramsay almost met his maker (Satan) after he fell off of a cliff in Iceland while filming his show, "The F Word."

Gordon told The Sun that he fell from a 28-foot cliff and landed in icy cold water. He said, "I remember thinking, 'Oh fuck'. My boots and my waterproofs were dragging me down. I'm an extremely good swimmer, but I couldn't get to the surface. I was panicking and my lungs were filling with water. When I got to the top after getting my boots off I was dazed and my head was totally numb."

Gordon's crew pulled him back up with a rope. He only had a cut on his leg.

Falling off a cliff wasn't his only brush with death. Gordon was in Iceland to hunt poor, little puffins for his show. One of the puffins bit his nose which required three stitches. The puffin should have aimed lower.

Gordon defended his decision to hunt them, "We had a license to cull 1,000. I didn't realize how difficult they are to cook, but they're very tasty!"

The next time Gordon is in Iceland, the puffins should push him from a higher cliff.

Food Network.. Star?

Look. I know Aaron is a nice man. How do I know? Because, unlike me, he likes children, he always wears a happy smile and probably never sits alone in the dark with his head in his hands, contemplating the total lack of potential happiness in his future.

But nice does not equal good TV, even on the Food Network.

I was never a fan of Lisa, but I can say with all certainty that I would far rather see a show where she teaches me to make basic ingredients beautiful than I would like to watch Arron "Big Papa" teach me about spices. I'd rather watch Adam shove beer cans filled with garlic up a dead chicken's ass and make it dance, than I would hear Aaron say "You know you're gonna want somma this" 17 times in five minutes while he tops a steak with sweetened plantains.

You know what I want some of? Lisa's fish with the zabaglione sauce. Hell yes! A big plate of her crispy leeks? Oh, baby. Adam's green beans? Mmmmmm. Beer-can chicken? You betcha.

I think the judges settled on Aaron from the very beginning, and did everything they could to help him to justify their decision because he's nice and they just liked him.

OK.

Next Food Network Star: The Big Finale

Well, I can't say I am happy with the results of the finale and I have said from day one that this show is rigged.

What I am happy about is the show that debut after the finale, "Food Detectives with Ted Allen." You may remember Ted Allen from that horrible show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He was the only non offensive one in that retched bunch. Well, Ted's new Food Network show is about dispelling food myths like "The 5 second rule" or "If a bear shits in the woods." Just kidding on that last one. Anyway, Ted is so much more likable than that fucker Alton Brown and Food Detectives is a riot. Can't wait to see what other myths they tackle!

Outrageous Chocolate Cookies: Recipe for the lawn mower man

This is always a hit. I made these for my boyfriend and he went completely ape shit.

Outrageous Chocolate Cookies
Do not bake the cookies to a crisp; they are meant to be soft and chewy. Store them in an airtight container at room temperature for two to three days.
Makes 2 dozen.

Ingredients
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, roughly chopped
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 package (12 ounces) dark chocolate chunks

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat chopped chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl in 20-second increments, stirring in between, until almost melted; do not overheat. In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
2. In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; beat in melted chocolate. Mix in flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks.
3. Drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 to 3 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are shiny and crackly yet soft in centers, 12 to 15 minutes. Cool on sheets 10 minutes; with a thin metal spatula, transfer to racks to cool completely.

Need a recipe

My kindly next-door neighbor has taken to mowing the part of my lawn that adjoins his, and I want to bake him a little something-something to thank him. I tried some butter cookies last weekend, but they tasted like crap, so I tossed them. I came home today to find he had mowed again, so I really want to make something nice for him.

Any ideas?

The G4 Network's New Food Show!

The edgy tech-oriented G4 network is seeking to expand its audience with the fascinating and exciting new food show “Hurl!” The premise is simple and easy to digest. You take five or six retarded, idiotic guys, force them to eat massive quantities of disgusting food, then spin them around in various ways until they throw up. The person who lasts the longest without vomiting wins a thousand bucks.

The episode I watched was hilarious. The contestants first had to slurp down as much cream of spinach soup as possible in five minutes without “hurling” it up. (One contestant managed 50 ounces!) The three contestants who managed to keep their soup down then were put on a crazy assed carnival ride sometimes called a “Loop-o-plane” or “Hammer” for another five minutes. Only two managed to complete the ride without vomiting.

For the final challenge, the two remaining contestants had to eat tuna-noodle casserole for five minutes. Unfortunately, one guy lasted about ten seconds before heaving his guts into a pail while the audience jeered and mocked him. The winner, a surfer dude with an IQ of about 4, pumped his fists in the air as he collected his thousand-dollar winnings.

Other shows feature macaroni and cheese, organic milk and pumpkin pie food challenges. Personally, I think they need more fish and corn type dishes for the ultimate puking gross out.

I highly recommend this show. The Food Network better watch their asses, because G4 is turning out to be some stiff competition in the food arena!

Next Food Network Star

Our three finalists were accosted by OSF and told they would each be doing a 30 second promo at various Las Vegas locales. Lisa was at the Wynn where she was hooked up to wires and suspended in mid air ala Mission Impossible. Aaron was at a craps table and Adam was in a tux with some showgirls. Pretty boring stuff really.

For the food challenge, they had to prepare a spectacular buffet and would be judged by drag queens and jugglers and would have to present in front of them. Lisa’s food rocked and we found out she can sing. Is there anything she can’t do? Aaron’s food was all pasta and his presentation was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Adam did the only thing he knows how to do-smoked meat.

The panel decided it was too hard of a decision to kick someone out so they are letting all three into the finale. This pisses me off. I don’t think Aaron deserves to be there at all. He has continually sucked in front of the camera and I know I wouldn’t watch a show starring his boring ass. Adam is a one trick pony but is good in front of the camera.

Lisa better pull out all the stops next week because I think the panel wants Aaron to win.

Fuck you, Andrew Zimmern

Dear Andrew Zimmern:

OK, sure, we get that you get paid a million bucks an episode to eat all manner of crazy-ass shit.

We get that you'll drink sake with a fermented, whole salamander in it, that you'll eat eyeballs and testicles and stinky, rotten, half-developed fetal chickens still in their eggs that have been buried in the dirt for 30 days or more.

But how dare you eat us. You came to Alaska and had to try stinkheads -- rotten fish heads -- and you ate ptarmigan cooked on the mufflers of snowmobiles. OK.

But did you have to smush smoked walrus into your obnoxious maw? Did you have to slurp up seal soup? I mean, it's seal meat, you fucknut.

Plus, you ate us. And liked it. You chowed on our blubber, our meat -- even a "pinwheel roast" made from one of our tails.

On behalf of all beautiful sea mammals, fuck you, you evil son of a bitch.

Sincerely,
Beluga Whale

P.S., If you ever come back to Alaska, me and my friends will butt you to death with our large, gelatinous foreheads, smiling as we do it.

The end of Ashley

Did that really happen? Is Ashley really gone? Could our Lisa possibly win?

Tonight's episode was a nail biter! Our final four were flown to Las Vegas where Bobby Flay met them at his restaurant Mesa Grill at Caesar's Palace. And then the unthinkable happened. He introduced the special guest for this week, Paula Dean. For those of you who are new to this blog and may not know our feelings about Paula Dean, I will explain. Paula Dean is a scary woman from Georgia who likes to roll around naked in butter and pig fat with her two gross sons. And apparently, like Martha Stewart, is a Checkerboard Chick.

In an homage to Bobby Flay, our finalists had to perform a "Throwdown." they were paired off and each had to make their signature dish as well as their version of the other person's signature dish. Up first were Adam and my girl, Lisa. Lisa's signature dish was cassoulet and Adam's was mac and cheese. Poor Lisa. I don't think she had ever made mac and cheese. I say this because she put goat cheese in it. Goat cheese does not belong anywhere near mac and cheese. Gorgonzola? Yes. Goat cheese? Absolutely not. Just ask that Paula Dean, she hated it. Although she also admitted to having never had a cassoulet. Stupid hick.

Next up were Aaron and Kelsey and their signature dishes were stuffed pork loin (aaron) and chicken parmigiana (ashley). Aaron did great in spite of the fact that he forgot he was supposed to be making the second dish until about 18 minutes before time was up. Paula Dean clearly wanted a piece of his pork loin if you catch my drift. Ashley/Kelsey fucked up royally and was sent home to the shock of everyone watching. We all thought she had this show in the bag. Now it is any one's game. Go Lisa!

If that Adam wins I am going to throw all my cast iron skillets out with the morning trash.

$1 Room for ONE DOLLAR in bright, clean apartment (Cambridge)

I found this post on Craigslist today. Hilarious:

I am looking for someone to rent the spare bedroom in my spacious 2-bedroom apartment in picturesque and desirable Cambridge. You must read carefully, however, as this situation is not suitable for all.

The rent is $1 per month, utilities included, as long as you bake me fifty (50) tasty cookies every day by 6 p.m. If you have not completed this task by 6 p.m., I will pour vinegar on all your belongings, throw them into the street, and have the locks changed. No exceptions and no excuses. Hell or high water, those cookies better be done and yummy.

Cookies are always cookies and never biscuits. I do not eat "biscuits".

I will decide the specific type of cookie the day before and will submit my preference in writing by 9 p.m. of that day. You are responsible for the recipe and ALL the ingredients (at your expense, of course). The kitchen is large and well equipped with cookie sheets, rolling pins, mixing bowls, etc. You may NOT hum or sing as you prepare the cookies. You may, however, recite song lyrics in a normal speaking voice.

Forbidden ingredients include anise, marjoram, allspice, caraway, and oats. I will nevertheless request oatmeal cookies from time to time and you must find a way to make them without oats. Good luck with that. The worst ingredient of all, though, is NUTMEG. If even one speck of nutmeg, even the tracest amount of the stuff, is discovered in my home, I will pour vinegar on your belongings and chuck them in the street. You may assume the locks will be changed. You may use cinnamon, cloves, and raisins, though I am rather indifferent to these and will likely not be impressed. Chocolate is encouraged, as is vanilla bean extract.

You will be given three cookie cutters: a crescent moon, a star, and a doggie in profile. All cookies must be in one of those three shapes. The doggies must be given names and all the names must be different and cute. Cuteness is my call, not yours. For example, "Smuggins" is cute but "Lionel" is not.

The cookies must be artfully arranged on a lace cloth on a silver platter and garnished. Permissible garnishes include jellied fruits and candied flowers. Sugared figs are under review, but don't get your hopes up.

Your room contains a twin bed, a dresser, a desk w/chair, and a TV with cable access. The TV is tuned permanently to the Food Network. You may watch only shows featuring cookies and cookie by-products.

If you are interested in this arrangement, please submit the following:

1) Your favorite cookie recipe
2) A picture of tasty cookies
3) A short original poem about cookies

Thank you.

Cucumber Martini - The Perfect Summer Cocktail

It's been dreadfully hot this week in San Francisco so my roommate and I decided to go out in search of a refreshing cocktail last night. We went to this swanky little place on the outskirts of the Tenderloin called "olive". Obviously, a place called "Olive" specializes in what else...martini's.

I'm not big on martini's myself but decided to try one of their house specialties, a Cucumber Martini. And damn! It rocked! The bartender smashed up some fresh cucumber into his mixer thing, then added gin and vermouth. He then strained it into a proper martini glass and floated a nice slice of cucumber in the glass. This cocktail is mildly sweet, refreshing and just plain yummy!

Screw the trendy Apple-tini's and Cosmo's, and grab yourself a Cucumber Martini!

You'll eat it in Vietnam

Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations" episode two nights ago was from Vietnam (probably a rerun), and in it, one of the Vietnamese Central Committee members takes Tony into the previously forbidden hills to tour the countryside.

They stop along the way and the committee member has to convince a local restaurauteur to open her shop and feed them. She agrees, but what she is serving is some kind of woodland creature for which no one seems to know the American word.

The committee member, who speaks very good English, says the cook will be preparing "squeasel."

The fuck is squeasel? It is weasel? Weasel that's been squeezed? Maybe weasel that's been squeezed to death by a boa constrictor. I dunno, but I can't wait to find out.

Bourdain wants to know, too, and he's willing to eat it, even after he sees the cook chopping it up and cannot identify it by sight. It looks nothing like any kind of meat you, I or Bourdain have/has ever seen.

It looks disgusting.

Well, raw meat isn't one of the world's prettiest sights, anyway. Probably why Michelangelo never sculpted it, DaVinci never painted it and Dante never wrote poetry about it. It's just meat.

But squeasel? That's a whole different kind of ugly. Even cooked, it looks nast.

Long story sort of short, it turns out squeasel is porcupine.

But from here on out, "squeasel" is going to be the word for anything that cannot be immediately identified and looks suspect.

It's my new favorite word.

Really, truly the last Hell's Kitchen...

...at least until the next season starts. Sure, Ramsay threw me last week with the two-part finale, but I've now recovered. That's why it's Hell's Bitchen. I mean, Hell's Kitchen.

9 p.m.: Here goes the annoying recap that lasts 10 minutes. I'm so glad they can remind us what a bitch Jen is, and how mean Ramsay is sometimes. Oh, the yelling. The tears. The second-degree burns. How I love you, Hell's Kitchen.

9:03 p.m.: I wonder how it feels to be the last two -- Matt and Jen -- who nobody wants. Jen has already said she knows she was chosen second to last because the others are afraid she will outshine them "and I will." She's got balls, that's for sure.

9:05 p.m.: Migraine Matt is already bitching and saying he doesn't respect Christina, even though she's his chef tonight. Petrozza hasn't written anything down, hasn't prepped anything. Somebody's fucked. Jen asked Ramsay for a letter of reccommendation. Migraine Matt is mocking Indian people and making rhymes about chervil.

9:10: Petrozza has already threatened to throw Bitchy Jen out of the kitchen. No you won't. You don't have the nuts.

9:20 p.m.: The chefettes are trying to motivate their teams, but you just know Migraine Matt's going to break down and Bitchy Jen will sabotage Petrozza.

9:24 p.m.: Christina feels hesitant about MM. BJ has an attitude. What a surprise. Who's going to get yelled at first? One bleep so far. Just wait... Bobby's making apps for Petrozza and the lobster streudel looks like cat vomit. It's cold. Cold cat vomit.

9:29 p.m.: MM has to help Louross with apps, and he doesn't know what he's doing. He's getting yelled at. Just a little. Two bleeps. Three bleeps. Petrozza's run out of cheese for his salad. BJ's station's not prepped. No one counted, prep went bad, streudel is running out, too. Four bleeps and Ramsay wants to stop service from Petrozza's kitchen. Aaaaiiieeee.

9:35 p.m.: Petrozza's guts are being ripped out, metaphorically. Bobby can do a lobster risotto to cover. Uh-oh. Christina's entree came back "lukewarmish." Corey, Corey. Come on, sister.

9:38 p.m.: People are starving to death in Petrozza's dining room. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting... MM tries to serve raw fish, and asks "how did it get raw?" MM just told Ramsay to shut up under his breath. Twice. Eight bleeps. Ramsay just let him have it. Nine bleeps. BJ is screwing Petrozza with onion rings. Nine bleeps. 12 bleeps. 15 bleeps. 16. Ramsay just called Jen a bitch. MM has put up raw fish again. 17, 18 bleeps. 19 bleeps and another shut up. 20 bleeps. 21. And commercials... Ooohh! For the new X-Files movie. Hell to the yes!

9:46 p.m.: 22 bleeps. MM said there was was just a little bit raw in the "cree-vice." 24 bleeps. 25 bleeps. The diners love their food. Oh. Oh. It's neck and neck. Who's it going to be? Petrozza can barely hug BJ. The waiting. The waiting. 26 bleeps. It's time to step up to the doors. But there's time for about 20 more commercials. Hands on door handles. Do not turn the handle. Petrozza looks like he;s going to puke. Christina might cry. 1... 2... 3...end scene.

9:55 p.m.: Christina wins! Awww, Louross is so happy. Her mom is crying. Holy 28 bleeps. Petrozza is bawling. Christina wouldn't have won without her team, but she sure as hell won't hire Matt.

Lisa Tanks on Next Food Network Star

Lisa! What the hell happened? You had the entire competition in the palms of your flawless and elegant hands. First you manipulated your snot nosed little Girl Scout into agreeing with your menu of steak and couscous. The little brat even adored you! Then you started out with a bang and even Rachel Ray was impressed. You only had four minutes to fill and for the first two, I was standing in front of the television, pulling out my hair and screaming your name in utter ecstasy. Then suddenly….you turned off. It’s like your brain froze or something. You spent the last two minutes of your segment saying NOTHING. Absolutely nothing! What the fuck? Was it Rachel Ray? Did she pinch you really hard off camera, like she’s known to do? Did she hiss at you under her breath? Does she smell and it finally got to your delicate nose?

Oh Lisa, I’m so disappointed. Thankfully they kept you on for another week, but girl….you better get used to the camera otherwise your ass it out of there!

The other contestants didn’t do so well either, except for the wannabe comedienne. He was funny. Ashley, or Tilsday or whatever the hell her over-caffeinated cheerleader name is was horrible. I’d rather rip my eyes out than watch her for a half hour nonstop. The black dude turned his back on the audience AND Rachel Ray for about a minute and believe me, Rachel Ray did NOT like that. And the 18 years old going on 50 years old Shane didn’t even bother to learn his girl scout’s name. Shane even had the audacity to say something about “using his experience” to cook well. He’s only 18 for god’s sake. How much “experience” does he have? He’s never even been to France yet he fancies himself an expert French chef. HA! Luckily it was GO HOME for old man Shane. And good riddance!

Lisa still has a chance but that irritating Ashley may end up taking the whole thing. I hope not. Keep your fingers crossed for Lisa!

Another thing...

Is anyone but me really freaking sick of Ace of Cakes? I haven't seen Duff get out a power tool in ages, and wasn't that his schtick?

Somebody stop the evil

There's a Sandra Lee marathon on Food Network today. Sweet Nancy Moses! I'm afraid to look and see what kind of culinary evil she's committing. Maybe some canned cake frosting? Perhaps some packaged cookie mix? Oh yeah. It's pre-packaged oatmeal cookies and rum! Rum! Yeah, that makes it taste homemade. Oh, wait, I get it... you add your own eggs and THAT'S the homemade part.

She's planning a "super-special" anniversary party for her "friends," and she's making Boboli-crust pizza and packaged cookies. Impressive.

One thing's for sure, she'll be making rummy cocktails because why open a new bottle and not finish it off? Nope, she's cracking open a whole new bottle of booze for key-lime martinis.

Soon she'll be laying out her tablescape with shit she bought at the Dollar Store. Can't wait.

summer treats

Mini ice cream cakes:

Buy mini cupcake tins, non-stick spray them.
Spoon two teaspoons of favorite cake batter in bottom, bake until toothpick clean, about 10 minutes.
Loosen sides, put in freezer for about an hour. Half an hour before they come out, take favorite flavor ice cream out of freezer to soften. Yeah. I prefer chocolate cake and mint chip ice cream. Spoon ice cream on top of cakes, level off, put back in freezer.

Here is the fun part. You can use Magic Shell (that store-bought stuff that hardens when it gets cold... or you can make some homemade ganache (whipping cream, dark chocolate melted... easy.). Once ice cream is hard again, 1 to 1.5 hours, LOOSEN the sides and pour or spread choice mixture on top. Add nuts or sprinkles before it hardens. If you use the Magic Shell (which comes in strawberry and chocolate), you have to put those sprinkles on quickly, but for little kids, it makes it less messy and melty. For the rest of us, who could eat the mini cupcakes in two to three bites, the ganache tastes really good. Put back in freezer for half hour.

When you serve them, make sure everyone is ready for dessert, or you'll have a mess.

Liveblogging the finale

10: We'll find out next week. My summer TV viewing is not over yet. Looks like it'll be hotter next week.

9:57: Petrozza takes Bobby first. Christina takes Corey. Petrozza takes Ben. Christina takes Louross. Petrozza takes ...

9:56: Migraine Matt is back. So is Bitchy Jen.

9:54: Finally, it's the last day in Hell's Kitchen. Six bleeps.

9:50: Four bleeps. Five bleeps.

9:48: Whoopi Goldberg shows up to wish them luck. Why does she not look any older than she did 20 years ago? Back home, their restaurants are not done and Christina hates hers.

9:47: Petrozza wins the challenge. Bitches, we have not even gotten to the part where they pick their teams. This has to be a two-part finale. There's no way they can finish tonight.

9:43: How are they going to finish this show by 10 p.m.? Is this NOT the last show?

9:38: Guest judge hates the paintbrush.

9:36: They have to cook their signature dishes. Petrozza: Fliet mignon in a red-wine demi glace. Christina: NY strip steak with succotash and fingerling potatoes. Petrozza's making paintbrushes out of green onions. Huh.

9:34: Their names are lit up in Times Square. Both of them are going to Dubai as a gift. They get to spend time observing in his restaurant there. The challenge tonight, though, is...

9:30: Ramsey: "New York City has a very special treat for both of you." Christina: "Oh, my god." End scene.

9:29: Petrozza says he's bringing out the big guns. Whatever.

9:28: Two bleeps. Three bleeps. Christina's the all-time challenge winner.

9:27: One bleep. But it was in a flashback.

9:25: Yes, he's confident in them. That joker. Petrozza almost had an aneurysm. They are flying off to New York to see Ramsey's restaurant there.

9:20: Oh, shit. Sudden, urgent meeting with Ramsey in his office. He has serious concerns about Petrozza's menu. He's concerned that he doesn't have the right finalists. Petrozza looks shocked.

9:19: Petrozza wants his wait staff to wear celery green chef's jackets. No. God, no.

9:17: Knowing that they are going to bring back the last six players who were eliminated, I'm curious to see who's going to get Jen on their team. She's a sabotaging bitch, an she'll screw whoever she's working with.

9:16: Christina's planning her restaurant, Petrozza's staring. It's very exciting.

9:12: Petrozza's eating chips while he tries to devise a menu for his half of the restaurant. He has to go lie down. In the morning, he's still having a tough time. Smoking, sitting on the balcony, talking to the birds. Christina's got her menu done. Petrozza looks ill. He's got nothing.

9:11: Ramsey offers the final challenge. Petrozza's crying. Who's the most talented chef? There's no crying in the kitchen.

9:10: Finally, a little Ohio Players. Fire!

9:09: Still recapping. I'm going to run a count of the number of words that get bleeped.

9:07: The recap is STILL going on. Who cares about the losers? Let's get to the contest.

Cooking with Paula Deen

I got an invitation in the mail today for a free issue of Cooking with Paula. Creepy...

There's no place like home-Dorothy Gale from Kansas exits Next Food Network Star

And thank god too cuz bitch was irritating. This show just keeps getting better and better. As does my girl Lisa (although I am convinced now more than ever the final two will be Kelsey and Old Man Child). Lisa was very reserved during that challenge. You know she just wanted to stab that Jen in the heart with her chef's knife. And Cat Cora looked fabulous!

Now if we can just get rid of Adam.

Hell's Kitchen finale, bitches!

It's tonight! I'm rooting for Christina, though my friend Jen likes Petrozza. I predict Petrozza will light himself on fire. Accidentally, of course.