Global Warming and You

Global Warming? I don’t think so. If you live in San Francisco, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The average temperature this week has been a frigid 55 degrees and the fog has been so wet, people are using umbrellas.

So what can we do about this? Plenty. Here are some tips to help speed up Global Warming and find some much needed relief from this cold, freezing summer.

1. Buy Pam from your local corner store and check the date. A few years ago, Pam started making non fluorocarbon spray lard, but you can still find the old stuff in corner stores. It works much better too.

2. Use off brand canned whip cream. This stuff is LOADED with all kinds of ozone depleting chemicals. And it tastes so yummy in hot chocolate, on ice cream sundaes, or just open your mouth and let it rip!

3. Defrost your fridge on a daily basis. Keep your refrigerator nice and fresh by leaving the door open. It burns tons of energy and keeps the fridge smelling nice and fresh. If you are feeling especially hopeful about Global Warming, AND have an older fridge, take an ice pick and poke holes in the cooling unit. This will release Freon directly into the atmosphere thus greatly helping accelerate Global Warming.

4. Change the oil in your car and dump it down the kitchen sink! This causes all kinds of environmental havoc and is a lot easier than finding one of those inconvenient, out of the way disposal places for old oil. Plus, it keeps your drains flowing nice and slick!

5. BBQ! BBQ! BBQ! If you can, bbq your favorite steaks and ribs with coal. If you can’t find coal, just use LOTS of charcoal and LOTS of lighter fluid. (Don’t worry, the lighter fluid burns off). Cook everything on the grill you can and watch your days start to warm up!

6. Dig a well in your yard if you have one. Wells for some reason seem to release/emit a ton of Radon. Radon is very bad. It causes all kinds of chaos in the environment. Be careful with this one though, as it’s carcinogenic too. That’s easily rectified, just turn on fans all throughout your house and leave them running 24/7, which is another way to speed up Global Warming. A double whammy!

These are just a few simple ideas to warm ourselves up this summer. If any of you have other suggestions, please feel free to post a comment and help us SPEED UP GLOBAL WARMING NOW!